I hate that you can pull me back to you so easily. And I mean, I’m pretty sure I can do the same to you but I don’t feel like I do anything to push you away in the first place. No, I take that back, I push you away more than you push me away but only because I feel like you don’t care about me. I don’t even know, it has to do with a whole bunch of emotions getting in the way of reason.

I will never forget what Spinoza said. He believed that the only thing that could overcome an emotion is a stronger emotion, but reason cannot overcome an emotion. And, I mean, it’s so damn true that it kind of blows my mind.

I’m in love with Andres, and I hate him at the same time. But since the love is a whole lot greater than any hate I feel for him, I continue to talk to him even when I know that maybe I shouldn’t.

I’m against drugs with a fucking passion. Although I know that Andres will never get hooked on drugs like other people have, I cannot help but feel disappointed and sad all over again when I find out that he smoked. Reason is that he won’t get addicted (especially since he spaces it all out by months), but my emotion tells me to be scared and insecure and everything else. And that emotion can only subside if a stronger emotion comes into play which I don’t think will actually happen.

I can name 39845 other instances in which reason just can’t overcome emotion.

Anyway, I need to go take a shower. I never did my TOK presentation and I haven’t even begun to memorize my French oral. Fuck.